My Struggle and a Post Share: My Daughter's Beauty

I have been struggling for quite a while, probably since the moment that I found out I was having a girl, as to the fact that I am raising a daughter in 2012. During a time when clothing and morals seem optional. In a culture that seems to almost hate women. How will I remind her that God made her perfect and make her believe it? How will I remind her that she is always enough? How do I teach her that fleeting beauty is not most important? How will I talk her through 'the awkward years?' Of which mine were many... How will I deal with the fact that sometimes she won't put a lot of stock into what I believe to be true about her? How will I console her if a boy breaks her heart, and how will I stop Cliff from killing him? Over and over, the questions and fears, both rational and irrational, cascade through my mind. Luckily, a Facebook friend, with a daughter around the same age as Macy, posted this article today. It was written by a father about his daughter, and offers some insight on some of the issues I was writing about above. I find such solace in reading this and maybe you will too.

How do I raise my daughter to know the true definition of beauty in a culture such as ours? How do I cultivate an image in her that is rooted in the beauty of Jesus and not the allure of a distorted sexuality?

Here are three points that I have found helpful in my journey:

Our Culture’s Definition of Beauty

In most societies, feminine worth is determined by how you live up to the cultural definition of “real womanhood.” In Dallas real womanhood is largely defined by physical beauty, and beauty is determined by which men find you attractive, which means feminine worth is defined by the ability to attract men. This is a heartbreaking perversion of why God created two sexes that leaves insecurity and broken marriages in its wake.

The Biblical Foundation of Beauty

God is the definition of beauty because He is absolute holiness, which is why scriptures like 1 Samuel 16:7and Proverbs 31:30 define beauty internally and teach that God is after our hearts. Our definition of beauty should then begin with godly character flowing from the purity of heart.

We also know from Song of Solomon that God created men to find women attractive, serving as a physical representation of how the Church finds Christ desirable above all things. Thus, any exploitation of women’s bodies for the attraction or the lust of man is a distortion of God’s created intent and a product of the Fall.

Practical Steps for Shepherding

Abandoning our city to avoid the realities of a fallen world won’t reverse the effects of sin in our families. The only solution is the gospel of Jesus Christ.

But how do we pursue this? Here are a few practical ways:

• Teach your daughter early and often that God loves her. The Lord designed her exactly as He wanted her. Speak truth to her before she hears the lie.
• Affirm this truth. Tell your daughter she is beautiful and that you love being her father or mother. I cannot say this enough to my daughter, Eisley, and I’m determined by the grace of God to not have her grow up searching for the affirmation she was designed to get from her father.
• Teach her early that sexuality is designed by God and meant to flourish inside of marriage.
• Guard her environment. You cannot avoid all images, but don’t be foolish in what you let your daughter see.
• Take her on dates. Model the unconditional love of the Father through uninterrupted time with her father.
• Develop a family mantra about beauty: “Where does beauty come from? The heart. Why? Because God looks there.”
• Be aware of the schemes of Satan in your daughter’s life. Ex: The mall is not evil in and of itself, but there is a strong pull there to worldly passions. When we leave the mall, I want to tell Eisley repeatedly that I love her, she is beautiful, I love being her daddy and that Jesus loves her.
• Be aware of the schemes of Satan in your life. Satan hates your daughter and wants her worship and destruction. The best way to get to her is through her headship. For the sake of God’s glory in the joy of your children, pursue holiness.
• Pray, beg, plead. Our best laid plans are feeble compared to the craftiness of Satan, and we are desperately dependent on the Spirit to do what only the Spirit can do: open her eyes to Jesus.

As a father with many parenting mistakes in my future, I am still learning. And I know that, more than anything, I need the grace of God as I seek to raise up my daughter in the ways of the Lord.

It comes with such relief that other Christians struggle with this same battle. I have said it before and I will say it again, I think Satan's biggest victory is if he can make us truly believe that we are alone in our struggles. I know that Cliff will be an incredible father and we have already spent many hours in conversation and strategy planning on this subject alone. I think my biggest worry is me. This past year and a half, I have desperately been trying to work on me and trying to make myself un-believe the lie that I am not enough or unworthy of unconditional love. Because I have to believe it before I can make Macy believe it. This is one of the reasons, of which there are many, that I am so thankful to be rooted in faith in Christ and to believe that he has made and will continue to make everything perfect. His plans are masterful and he knows what he's doing.

Sorry for the heavy topics the past few days! In lighter news, the week is half over and Labor Day is next week! It still feels somewhat like summer to me since I didn't go back to school for the first time in twenty years, but I sure am enjoying all the family time I have been getting these past two weeks. Pure bliss! 

So much love to you and yours, and may you be encouraged today by the unending love of our Father in Heaven who cares for us in a way that we could never hope for or imagine.